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I thought I'd at least make a token effort for Flash Fiction Month (*Flash-Fic-Month), given how awesome every who is participating is making my devation stream.

Based off the prompt 'I was born tomorrow' suggested by ~Nastaciakaye. Thanks mate.

Time taken: approximately three bottles of James Squire Ace of Spades Porter.
© 2011 - 2024 apocathary
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KWhipkey's avatar
This is a really interesting concept. I thought it was well-written and I actually disagree with the comments below of cutting out the first part and jumping right to Tracey. To me, that last paragraph felt rushed. I was left wishing it had been expanded just a little bit more. It felt like the beginning part was setting up for a full-fledged story, and then it just gets cut short abruptly at the end.

I know you say that he spells his name with a lower-case T right at the beginning, but that was the only thing that really kept bothering me. It visually looked like a Typo and my brain kept stumbling on it, pulling me out of the story. Maybe, if you ever consider returning to this--and I totally think you should!--you could try capitalizing the names solely to make it instantly apparent to the reader that those are names. Otherwise, it's a little murky and kind of breaks the immersion, in my opinion.

But beautifully written regardless! Loved the flow and the kind of sarcastic voice you gave him. Nicely done. More please? :)